Seeing Through the Paradox
Elder Bednar's address in the most recent General Conference (Oct 22) carried a message that will resonate with any Christian who has made covenants with the Lord. It certainly did to me.
For context, take a few minutes to read his address which is a bit of a midrash on the Parable of the Royal Wedding Feast found in Matthew 22.
To begin, I'll assume the King represents the Lord, the wedding represents the covenant made between the Lord and his children and the wedding feast represents the blessings/fruits of a faithful life. Note that Elder Bednar doesn't take the common reading of this parable, that the King's tossing of the recalcitrant wedding attendee (who refused to wear the King's garment) represents God punishing the wicked. Rather, his focus is on the attendee's use of their agency.
Recall that early in the parable those first invited declined to attend having prioritized their business interests over the wedding feast. For me, these represent most of the people I know, most of them good people who are just not interested in matters of the spirit, at least not enough to practice their faith. Thus rebuffed, the King sent out servants to gather wedding guests from the surrounding highways and byways.
I understand those who first declined those with misplaced priorities (after all I make that mistake myself), but what's with the fellow who makes the effort to show up and then refuses to wear the King's garment? Was he confused and if not, just why was he there? The parable doesn't say, but there are clues in Elder Bednar's remarks.
Recall the reason the wedding host provided garments was to eliminate rank and social caste since all would be dressed the same thereby allowing all to enjoy the same blessings of living the regal, Kingly life with the King. being in the King's presence equally and, as long as the feast lasted, to live the life of a King.
The fact that he was the only one not properly attired, combined with the fact that he had no reply when confronted implies he thought he could have all of the blessings without following (and respecting) the King's instructions. In short, he lacked humility, feeling his judgement was better than the King's. Further, since the garment could represent all having access to the same blessings, this fellow may also have felt that he should have better than the rest.
In either case, it was a deadly miscalculation as he was "bound hand and foot and thrown into outer darkness". This parable would have resonated with Jesus' hearers because disrespecting the King in that time would most likely would have resulted in a penalty much worse than being ejected from the feast. It would have been fatal.
All of us behave, some more, some less, like the attendee who refused to wear the garment when we knowingly fail to keep our covenants. We think, "yes, he is God, but those rules are for other people, I know what will make me happy and it's something else".
I have personal experience in this particular failure mode. In my later teens I stopped living my baptismal covenants simply because it was more fun than keeping them. I enjoyed these times with friends and our times together built bonds that have kept me in contact with many of them to this day.
Even after serving my mission, now armed with a plan that included Temple marriage, the lives of my partying friends still looked like a lot more fun that the one I had dialed in. While my friends were enjoying the delights, my plan included well, not those delights. The attraction remained.
What kept me living my covenants was that I was fortunate to have looked past those desires to the end of my life, to what David Brooks calls "your tombstone resume" which was articulated for me in the lives of others I respected such as my parents, angelic sisters, my grandmother and, at a most critical time, my Mission President.
Now with seventy in my gunsights, when I meet my old high school buddies each year, I realize how lucky I was that I didn't continue chasing that bright, shiny life from my late teens. Those of my friends who stayed on that path have much less in the way of loving, long-term relationships, good health and even financial security to show for it. Rather, there has been much more divorce, substance abuse and simple failure (and I still love them still the same).
How could I have had it so wrong in those younger years? Because I couldn't "see through the paradox". Christianity is a landscape strewn with these. Jesus tells his followers to give everything to the poor and follow him to build a society from the marginalized and yet he says his "yoke is easy and his burden is light"? Be meek and you'll inherit the earth or turn the other cheek? A few examples in a very long list.
Since keeping our covenants sometimes doesn't pass muster to the secular mind (or natural man), we are told to follow the prophets rather than our desires. Instead, we are encouraged to remember that we are like sheep, the animal just ahead of the bottom dwelling chicken in the pareto of barnyard IQ.
In the scheme of life, I'm one of these dumb sheep who would do well to use my judgement within the context of living the commandments, not the other way around. We know what happens to sheep who stray or wedding guests who think they know better, and it isn't good.
A heavy dose of humility and an obedient spirit will make a better person and provide access to the blessings of the wedding feast now and forever.
Interesting perspective on the "tombstone resume". Not a lot matters at that point in terms of what the world values. Sometimes when I go to funerals, I wonder what people will say or what stories they'll tell about me when I'm gone. And it's pretty clear none of them will center on how much money I made or where I lived and so on (unless as a cautionary tale). So if those things aren't going to matter then, why should they matter so much now?
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